Saving Each Other
by EOfan1124
Summary: Will they be able to save each other from themselves?  E/O
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing. **

**Chapter 1**

Some days when I look across our desks, I see something in her eyes that makes my heart stop. I know I shouldn't think about this; but when she has so much hurt. I can't help but feel sorrow and I want to take it all away. She looks at me at times and I see everything she needs me to see. My heart aches for her; but she is a strong-willed woman who takes care of herself. I've never understood how she can go through this everyday and then go home to an empty apartment. My refuge is my kids. They help take away the sorrows, the pains of what we see each day. But she has no one, but this job and me. I know she says she is married to the job; but really that means me. We are partners for better or worse. I told her that the first year we worked together. It was the day after she slept with that jackass, Brian Cassidy. It seems like centuries ago now.

We have seen so much that he tears my soul out. We both are so jaded after all this time. We are hanging on to this job for each other these days. It's hard to think about working this damn job without her. She is my back and so much more. I don't know what I would do if she ever quit. In the far back of my mind I know that I feel more for her than I should. I have always had a soft spot for her. She has always made my crappy life better with just being beside me.

She doesn't know what is going on in my personal life right now. I have kept it from her for a reason. The last time, when things went to shit, I took it out on her. But I promised myself that I wouldn't do that this time. This time I'm going to handle the divorce right and then tell her everything. I just hope she understand and doesn't high tail it out of my life for good.

********EO************

He looks at me differently these days. I'm not sure why or if he even realizes that he does. Like now he is staring at me with a weird look on his face. Like always I pretend to be working and don't notice it. I hate we don't talk anymore, like we used to in the early days. It's like after all these years we don't need to use words to communicate. Just one look, it's all we need. That's why it's hard to believe he doesn't see right through the facade I've put on all years. If he knows me so well why doesn't he see what I really feel? What would I do if he did call me out on it one day? Maybe that's why he hasn't, because he knows I was run like the wind.

Jesus, he is married with 5 kids, what on earth could I give him, he doesn't already have. The thing is, it's not what I could give him, but what he could give me. I'm being selfish and I know it. But damn it I have nothing and I know it's my entire fault.

I have pushed so many guys away from me over the years. I can't blame him for my choices. Half the reason I don't do relationships is my mother. She always told me to never trust men; they were only trouble.

She would say, "Liv your heart was worth more than some nice looking prick with only one thing on his mind."

Yep, my mother had a way with words. Honestly, she had a very good reason to hate men. I never blamed her after she told me about my father. She had every right to make sure her daughter was safe. That's why I'm who I am. She is the only reason I'm a cop and why I fight for the victims every day of my life.

After all these years with him by my side; I feel closer to him than I ever felt with her. She loved me in her own way; but it was from a distance. She always had her guard up even with me.

Elliot has always showed love towards me, even though I'm not sure he knew it. He is a protector, that's what he does. But I can tell he feels more for me than just being my partner. I know in his mind he will never act on his feels; because he is married with children. Of course, I respect that. I would never want to jeopardize his family life for me. The love I have for him is too great to hurt him like that. We are best friends and that's good enough for me.

I look over at Elliot now wondering what he is thinking about. It's lunch time so I lean over my desk and asks, "El you want to go grab a bite, since things here are slow today?"

He jumps at the sound of my voice, coming out of his trance, he says, "Sure why not."

**********EO*************

He grins, gets up, and grabs his jacket. As he walks over to her side of their desks, he sits on the edge, and waits for her to get her things together. They walk out the door of the squad room side by side. Both thinking about why they are thankful they met 12 years ago.

TBC

**So what do you think? Please Review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

A few weeks later in a bar.

I'm so nervous my palms are sweating and my legs are knocking together. He sits beside me; his muscles of his arm jump, when he wrings his palms together. He must be as nervous as me. I decide to get up and head to the bar. It's pretty late, but I need something to take the edge off.

While waiting for the drinks, I look over at him in the corner booth. He looks frozen in time. I'm not sure why he called me so late to meet him here. But I'm scared as hell to why he couldn't wait until morning. I tried to ask him when he walked in; but he just sat down and asked the waitress for a beer. He is still staring at the TV monitor on the wall.

When I get back with the shots, I finally break the silence by asking, "El, do you want a want to talk about something? How about ordering something to eat? Have you eaten since lunch?"

Ok I need to stop. I'm just blabbing away. He isn't responding to anything I say. I have to get myself under control. He needs to just tell me, what is so important for him to wake me up with a phone call, and ask me to meet him at a bar at midnight.

I knock back the shot and decide to hand his to him as I sit down. While I'm getting comfortable, he says, "I'm divorced; it was final as of 5:30 pm this afternoon. I get Eli on the weekends and we are sharing holidays." He stops and then finally looks over at me sitting there staring at him with a stunned look on my face.

He grabs the shot from my hands and drinks it all with one swallow. He doesn't look upset or angry. I'm in shock, but that's not even the half of it. I look at him and have no words. My heart is beating so fast right now. My emotions going through the roof. He watches me for any expression. I can tell he is waiting for the something to happen.

I shake my head to wake up from the daze I'm in and finally nod my head. I say, "Okay."

He wipes his hand down the side of his pants and sits back and continues watching the game. He looks over to me and smirks saying, "You going to just stare at me or are you going to have another drink with me?" I'm dreaming that's it. This is a dream, but what a great dream it is. So, I just sit back shrugging my shoulders as he calls the waitress for another beer.

After an hour, we finish our last beer. It's getting extremely late and we have to work tomorrow. He finally motions for me to get up, and he lays the money on the table. Then he turns towards the door, but just before he walks out, he looks back at me. He was expecting me to follow him out. But I'm still standing beside the table. I can't seem to get past the thought he just told me he was divorced.

He notices the look on my face; he walks up close to me, and says, "I hope you are okay with what I told you earlier. My marriage was over a long time ago. It was a mutual decision that we both made. We weren't happy, Liv. It was for the best for everyone, especially for Eli."

I nod my head and sighing, "Glad you took the time to tell me now." I turn my back to him and wait for him to walk out; but he doesn't. When I turn back toward him, he is standing so close to me, I can smell his cologne. The smell is intoxicating. I'm a little startled by the closeness. So I step back a little.

He is looking at me with a hard look. I can tell this isn't going to be good. Ok I can't do this. I move to walk around him, but he grabs hold of my arm, and holds me in place.

He says, "Liv, don't do this. The reason I just told you this now…; I didn't want you trying to fix my marriage again. It was over because we wanted it over. You have to understand. We both agreed."

I don't respond or look at him; I keep my focus straight ahead towards the door.

He huffs out a breath into my face and continues, "To be honest Liv, this has nothing to do with you. I don't owe you anything. I asked you here, because I wanted to…"

He stops talking, turns immediately, and walks back towards the door. I watch him push the door open harshly. He is pissed. He rubs his hand down his face and then moves it to the back of his neck, rubbing it. He turns once again to look at me with a scolded look. I don't say anything; I just turn my head back towards the bar. He sighs walking through the door letting it shut hard behind him.

****EO****

When I get out outside, I'm livid. I can't believe I thought she would understand why I waited to tell her. She is acting like it doesn't matter to her, but I can see right through her. I know she is upset with me. God, I just wanted things to be over with Kathy before I told her everything.

I should have told her earlier, but I didn't want her interfering with things. She would have tried to talk me into going back to Kathy and working things out. She has done it so many times before. She is an amazing woman, always thinking of everyone before herself. That is why I love her so much. I should go back in there and grab her and show her how much she means to me.

_Jesus._

I begin walking down the sidewalk towards my jeep, instead. I know it's not the time to reveal all my wants to her. Not this soon after I dropped this into her lap. She needs time to process everything.

****EO****

I just sit back down in the booth, looking at the door with tears in my eyes, long after he is gone. I'm not sure what happened here tonight. I don't know what he was trying to say? Why he thought it was necessary to tell me all of this now? I wipe the tears that have fallen down my cheeks.

I get up, go to the ladies room, shut the stall door, and then lean up against it. Why does this hurt me to know his marriage is over? Isn't this what I have wanted to happen for a long time? He said it was a mutual thing. I should be happy about this.

_Damn it. _

I can't believe he didn't tell me before now. I wipe the tears away, while walking out of the ladies room. I leave the bar, heading back home. While I walk a few blocks to my apartment, I keep thinking about all he said. I don't know what he wants me to do.

When I get home around 1:30 am, I collapse on the couch. I curl up in a ball and try to sleep; but all I can do is cry.

TBC

**What will happen now? Will she talk to him about this? **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It's been years since I have had this much emotions going through me at once. I can't control what I'm feeling and it scares the shit out of me. After all the years of making sure I keep my head on straight, now I can't seem to get it together. We were on a stake out last night and he reached over to get something from the glove compartment. His hand brushed my knee and I jumped at the touch. What am I a teenage?

I know him well enough to know, what he was trying to say, that he wants to pursue something with me. He hasn't even looked my way since then. In the back of my mind, I know he is scared shitless, just like me. But I feel he has withdrawn from me completely. He only speaks to me when necessary, without even a glimpse my way. Every night this week, I have gone home, and cried myself to sleep. I'm scared out of my mind to pursue anything with him. What will it do to us as partners or as friends?

So I just stand here watching him go at it with a perp. I should be helping him out; but really there isn't much for me to do. Every time I speak, he snaps at me like I'm a child. It reminds me of a few years ago during the Gitano case. He really is beginning to piss me off. I haven't done anything wrong and yet he is mad at me. Go figure.

****EO****

What the hell does she think she is doing? She is just standing there leaning against the two way mirror watching. This junky rapist asshole is going to walk, if we don't break him, and she is just standing there. I'm about to explode. I grab the guy by the throat and throw him into the wall.

I grit out, "You Son of a Bitch, you better give in, and tell me what you did to the little girl or else." Before I can hit him in the face, Fin is pulling my off of him and out the door.

Cragen is mad as hell. He grabs me by the shoulder, as I storm by him. Then orders me to go home and stay there until he calls. Just great that's all I need, to go home and dwell some more on what the hell is going on with Liv and I.

****EO****

I can't believe him. Getting himself suspended isn't going to solve what is going on between us. We should sit down and discuss this. I just can't right now; not with is ongoing asshole attitude.

Cragen comes up to me and says, "Munch and you will be partnered up for the rest of the week. Fin will be with El; when he comes back."

I look at him like he has lost his damn mind. I storm into his office and wait for him to come in.

I start, "What the hell are you doing? Why are you switching partners on us? You know El is going through a lot right now; but that doesn't mean we can't be partners. We don't deserve this Cap."

He just looks at me and sits down. He grabs a folder from his desk and says, "Liv this has been going on between you two off and on for years. It has to stop. I'm sorry, but it's only temporary."

I get up and walk out of the squad room. I have no idea where I'm going, but I need some damn fresh air. How dare Cragen do this to us? I end up at a coffee shop a few blocks away. While I'm there, I think about what this could mean for both of us. What if we decide to pursue something? Our partnership will be over. I sigh, look out the window and let the tears fall.

****EO****

I hear a ringing sound. It's loud and annoying. I turn over and grab my cell. Just great it's Cragen. What does he want now to tell to never come back?

I answer, "Hello. What? No, NO! You can't do this! It's not fair to any of us. Damn it!" I throw the phone across the room.

I can't freaking believe this shit. Temporary partner swap is not what we need. What does he know about any of this, anyway? Did Liv go to him and request this? Just Damn it!

I get off the couch looking for my shoes and keys. Damn her, if she thinks she is doing this again. This will not happen again. I have to talk to her, now. My head is spinning. I shouldn't have drunk that last shot of whisky. I head out the door and hail a cab.

I'm at her apartment in 15 minutes. I pay the cabby and jump out storming into her building. She better be home. I reach her door and just stand there. I need to calm the hell down. But shit, is this her way of handling things?

I knock on the door and wait patiently as I can.

I head back into the squad room, and then I see Fin flagging my down from the stairway. I walk over to him and he motions me to come with him. When we reach the roof, he turns around and gives me a harsh look.

He grumbles, "What the hell is wrong with you two now? I thought you two stopped this shit years ago, after El went back home."

I jerk my head towards him and my heart is racing. I reply, "What are you talking about? There is nothing going on. El is going through a hard time right now; that's all. It has nothing to do with me."

"That's bullshit and you know, Liv. You two have been avoiding each other like the plague. What did Kathy pack up and leave again; is that it," he asks.

I try not to let his words affect me, but I fail miserably. Jesus, are we that cliché that everyone assumes we are together as soon as his marriage is done. I'm not having this conversation with Fin or anyone else. It's none of his damn business.

"Fin, look this is really none of your business or mine for that matter. El is just having some problems and he is trying to deal with them. So after he gets back, everything will be ok." I comply.

He just looks at me, shaking his head, and heads back down stairs.

I need to talk to El as soon as possible. This has to end now. I can't go through this again. I don't want this to end our partnership or our friendship. I just hope he will understand and somehow agree.

TBC

**What will El do? Will he understand or?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I have been waiting for over an hour. This is crazy I should leave. She will come home and see me sitting in her doorway waiting for her. That would not be a good thing; I'm sure. I need to talk to her before I lose my shit.

I'm some what calmer than when I arrived. When she didn't answer the door, after the 5th time I banged on it, I assume she wasn't here. Of course she wasn't here; it's only 5:30. She never leaves work until after 7 pm most days. I was so upset and angry I didn't even know the time when I got here.

So I sit here in the hallway of her apartment building. Hoping she will hurry home soon. She couldn't have packed up and left before I got here; could she. I have a key; but it's only for emergencies. My mind is thinking the worst at this point. She wouldn't up and leave again like before. She knows how that turned out for both of us last time. We were miserable and she ended up coming back. I'm so pissed though; I know she asked Cragen for a new partner. It's her style, when things get bad just run. Damn her for running.

****EO****

Its 6:45, I need to head home; but really what's the use. All I will do it sit there. Sitting there will have me thinking about him again. El and I need to talk soon. I just don't know how to begin. My heart wants to run to him and forget about everything else. But my mind says we can't do that. We have a job to do at work and we are great together as partners. We need our partnership to survive.

As I gather my things, I decide it's time to sit down like adult and talk. He has to listen to me one way or another. I just hope it doesn't destroy everything will have had for 12 years. I pull out my cell and call him.

****EO****

I'm still waiting and it's after 7:15 pm. Maybe she decided to go out after work. Probably at some bar talking to some prick. My fists ball up and slam into the wall. I can't believe this. She knows how I feel and she is running. I just know. DAMMIT! I get up and begin walked towards the elevator. If that's what she wants, then fine. I'm done.

In the elevator, I feel like my whole body is numb. What did I think she would do? This is Liv. She's not the type to drop everything and run to me; because Kathy and I are done. What if she didn't ever want me all these years? What if I misread all those time she would look at me? I kick the side wall of the elevator. I need a damn drink.

I walk down the street to the first bar I see. I ask for a double and drain it in one gulp. The next one goes down smoother. After the next, I'm starting to forget the pain I'm feeling. I throw the money down on the bar and get up to leave. I look over by the window and I see her. Jesus. She is so damn beautiful. In this dim light; her hair glistens. Her olive skin is glowing. I walk a few steps toward the door and I can't stop staring at her. She hasn't noticed me at all. Her head is down and she looks so small sitting there. It makes me want to walk over, grab her up, and just hold her. But I just continue walking out the door into the night.

****EO****

I can't believe he won't answer his cell. I have called 16 times since I left work. I can't believe, instead of going home I decide to stop for a drink. A drink will not help any of this mess. My heart aches so much right now. Why does life have to be so damn difficult?

I hit send again on my phone. It rings 4 times and nothing. He voicemail isn't working. I'm beginning to panic a little. He voicemail has always worked. Did he turn it off or is something seriously wrong? Panicking will not help things either. He probably just turned it off and is refusing to speak to me. I'm sure he is pissed as hell. Cragen told me he called him earlier about the partner switch. There is no telling what is going through his mind right now.

I grab my beer and drain it. Grabbing my jacket, I get up, and walk out the door. It's time to talk and there is no running from either of us. I hail a cab and call Cragen to find out where exactly El is staying right now. Hopefully he has the address.

I dial Cragen's number waiting for an answer. "Hey, it's Liv. Do you have El's new address?"

Cragen says, "Liv he is pretty upset. You should give him some time."

I reply, "I know Cap, I just need to talk with him and he isn't answering his phone. I'm just worried."

Wiping his face, Cragen sighs, "Liv, I'm sorry he hasn't given me an address yet. I'm not sure where he's staying. He may still be in Queens. I really don't know."

I tense up and reply, "Okay that's Cap. I'll see if I can track him down. See you tomorrow."

I hang up and sigh. I tell the cab to head to my apartment; because at this point I don't want to call Kathy. I don't want to know if he is still living there. My head is aching and I just want to go home and soak in the tub. He can take care of himself. There is no reason why I should be worried about him. He's a grown man and capable of dealing with the worst in the world on a daily bases. I lay my head back against the seat and close my eyes.

TBC

**Will they talk before he comes back to work? What will it be like when he comes back to work? **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

This week has been hell.

I don't want to go into to work tomorrow. Cragen can kiss my ass. I'm calling in tomorrow. I deserve a day off after this horrific week I've had. He probably won't mind and will be happy to hear I'm taking off.

It's time for a long hot bubble bath. While I'm in the tub, I close my eyes thinking about what got me to this place. The place where I don't give a shit; anymore.

_It started the day El was due back to work. We were discussing a case we were finishing up. Cragen still had us switched up which just pissed me off. Munch and I get along great, but he isn't El and never will be. _

_While we were finishing up our discussion, Cragen got a phone call that pretty much changed everything as we knew it. I was working on paper work when Cragen stormed out of his office and out the squad room. We jumped up and followed him out into the hall towards the elevators. When we got to him, he turned around with a scared look on his face. My legs began to tremble; I knew right away it had something to do with el. My gut just told me it was him. I moved over to the wall for support as Fin began questioning Cap. I couldn't breathe. The walls began closing in on me. I couldn't even hear what was being said by Cap. Fin watched as I began to sway; then ran up and grabbed me. _

_The next thing I knew we were at the hospital. I didn't even know why I was there. I was lying on a gurney. When I looked around the room; I saw Munch sitting there staring out the window. _

_I began, "Munch, what is going on? Why am I here?" He moves over to me and sits in the chair next to me. _

_He said, "Liv, um there was an accident this morning. Cragen was on his way out to um… Well you passed out and we called a bus." I look at him like he is crazy. _

_I can't believe they called a bus just because I fainted. That doesn't seem right. I asked him, "Munch that is crazy. Why would you guys call a bus? I don't understand." _

_He replied, "Do you remember what Cragen said when you passed out?" _

_Well, no I didn't remember. What was he talking about? Let's see, I was in the hallway leaning up against the wall and Fin and Cragen were talking. Oh my God! No! NO!_

_Tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn't control them. I whispered, "No, No, No!" I was shaking all over and I couldn't stop. This could not be happening. _

_Munch leaned forward and took my hand and soothed, "Liv come on you have to calm down. I can't believe this happened either. But…. We have to be strong. He is still in surgery. We just have to pray he will make it."_

_I sat there for a long while, numb. The nurse finally came in and checked my vitals. She told me I was ok to go home. Go home. Yeah right. There was no way in hell I was going home; until he is out of surgery and is stable. _

_El did pull through the surgery and was in ICU for about 4 days. I never left the hospital at all, during that time. He finally was aloud visitors outside family, when he moved to his own room. I didn't know if he even wanted to see me after the past month. He had to see me though; I forced my way in his room while Cragen was in there. He looked awful. His skin was white as a sheep. My heart ached for him. At that point he still had not woken up. The doctors weren't expecting much of a recovery. They said with the head injury like his; it didn't look good. That very few people made a full recovery. Well they didn't know Elliot Stabler. He is like Superman, the man of steel. He would recover; there was no doubt in my mind. _

_Yesterday I went back to the hospital after work. When I got there I noticed his door was cracked. I pushed it open a little. The sight before was shocking. Kathy Stabler leaning over El, kissing his cheek, and saying she was sorry. _

_I knew something like this would happen. I wanted to disappear. My heart was racing. I turned around and walked out of the hospital. When I got home, I crawled into bed and cried. _

I come to my sense when I realize the water in the tub is freezing. As I'm getting out of the water, I think about today. It was extremely hard. Munch began asking me what was wrong as soon as I walked in. I know I looked like hell. I don't even remember if I put on any make up. Sleep never came last night. I finally told him I was just worried about El. He didn't buy it; but he dropped it and went on with his work.

El and I should have talked over everything a month ago. Why we were so stubborn? Now it's too late. He will go back home to her, just like before. I wish he would have never told me how he felt. Now we can never go back.

****EO****

Why is the light so damn bright? Jesus, did I drink too much. Dammit, I need these lights off now. Why can't I move? I feel like I got hit by a bus. What the hell is going on? My throat is so dry, I need some water. Wait, where the hell am I? I'm not at home. I look around the small room, that's when I notice she is sleeping in the chair next to the bed.

There must be some mistake here. Why is Kathy here? I need to think. What happened? Damn, I can't remember anything. Looking down at my body, I see a huge ass cast on my left leg and one on my left wrist. My head is killing me, so I reach up to feel it. Holy shit, I must have been in some kind of crash or something. Why can't I remember? What day is it? I wonder who is keeping Maureen. She is only 3.

While I'm thinking about all of this; my heart rate begins to race. Then there is all kind of commotion in the room. Kathy jumps up out of the chair, when the doctor and 3 nurses barge in.

The doctor asks me, "Detective Stabler how do you feel?" How do I feel? That's funny. How would you feel if you were me? Wait Detective? I'm not a Detective. What is going on here?

I manage to whisper, "Why did you call me a Detective? I'm in the marines." Then I turn to Kathy and ask, "Where is Maureen? Is she with a sitter?

Kathy looks at me like I have lost my mind. Then she turns toward the doctor with questioning eyes. The doctor speaks up and says, "Mr. Stabler, what year is it?"

TBC

**Oh No! Poor El. Will he remember the past 23 years? Will Liv be able to handle any of this? **

**Thanks for reading. Please Review**


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